Chris Brown, Rihanna and other related thoughts
They've both taken different paths since that fateful night on year ago. Rihanna is doing well professionally and personally. The same cannot be said about Chris but he is still trying to get back on track.
At the time, she wasn't aware of the impact she had on her fans especially the women. She has endorsements deals because those companies knew that her decisions and choices influenced her fans. So she is an example for them. Yet she remained siltent for almost eight months and even went back to him before finally leaving. Her fame gives her a platform that other survivors do not have and that awful night showed everyone that domestic abuse can happen to anyone. I'm proud that she finally used her influence for a real message that would and has saved lives.
Rihanna is young and definitely has to work on her own issues. She grew up in a very dysfunctional home. Her father was a drug addict and her parents’ marriage was very tumultuous, she admitted all of this to Tyra. She has confessed to slapping Chris in Europe and punching the dashboard with both fists on that terrible night. This is not to say she deserved what happened to her, she didn’t. The picture of her battered face was stunning to see and was not the result of Chris trying to defend himself. However, physically lashing out on yourself or another person is dangerous, hurtful and wrong. She has stated that she has learned from her mistakes, I hope that includes managing her anger.
The way Chris spoke in interviews, it sounded like he didn't realize the seriousness and severity of his actions. This wasn't an insolated incident where he lost his temper smacked her and then ran off. That night was the peak of his rage and violence. He escalated from shattering car windows around her in Barbados, to shoving her into a wall after she slapped him in Europe and then smashing her head against the passenger side window, repeatedly punching her face, biting her fingers and choking her on that terrible night in California. This wasn't an act of self defense, it was an absolute beat down. He hired Mark Geragos who is the Jaws of defense lawyers, if he had looked half as bad as Rihanna that photo would have been leaked.
I know that he saw his mother get beaten by her boyfriend. He became what he grew up despising. So I understand how he got to that point but I don't condone his actions nor does it excuse him for being held accountable. Everyone has a boiling point but you make sure not to burn yourself and especially someone else when it reaches to that level. For his sake, for his fans and for his future relationships I hope he is growing and learning from his court ordered counseling and not just going through the motions.
This issue is personal for me. I know someone like Rihanna who survived a physically abusive relationship and she is now happily married with kids. No one forced her to leave her boyfriend; she did so when she felt strong enough. I also have a female relative who was an abuser.
My family had no idea that she was abusive until the day we saw her pummeling her husband in their car while parked in our driveway. It was so bad that the car was rocking from side to side while he was curled up against the window covering his head with his hands. Neither of them were twigs, she was probably fifteen pounds smaller than him (he's 5'9 190 lbs). My sister and I were witnessing this in our home in total shock. Our relative is freakishly strong, so both of us were initially hesitant to intervene but my sister tried to pull her off of him. Somehow her husband got out of the car. With a battered bleeding face he began walking down the street and my sister went with him. He admitted to her this wasn't first time he was beaten. His wife drove off as they walked away.
He grew up with sisters and his mom so he was taught to NEVER hit women. Like most men in abusive relationships, he didn't want to risk being seen as a wife beater by hitting back so he didn't. I feel bad for men because there is so much shame for them since they are expected to be strong enough to defend themselves without harming their wives/girlfriends. They're seen as being weak and emasculated if they report it to the police. Victims shouldn't feel ashamed for doing what is right and they shouldn't be judged for it. With the exception of self defense of yourself or others, violence is never acceptable. No one should be exempt from being held accountable because of his or her gender.
Her parents have awful tempers and they were physically abusive towards her as a child and teenager. She didn't know she had to put in the effort into not continuing the cycle of violence until it was too late. That day was a wakeup call for her, she had to take a really hard look at her soul and work on herself. She hasn't hit him since.
Abuse of any kind isn't a flaw; it is a very serious and dangerous problem that shouldn't be tolerated, ever. It can't it be fixed overnight. I know that some abusers cannot change because they don't want to or they're in denial. I hope their victims follow Rihanna's lead and leave. I'm an optimist. I truly believe most people can overcome abuse but it takes true commitment, time, patience, work and energy to do so. I saw my relative do it so I know it's very difficult but not impossible.
Chillin'
Believe it or not, this is actually the edited down version lol Thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this, I really appreciate it ;D